The Jewish wedding is a Jewish religious marriage ceremony. A marriage once consisted of two distinct events - the betrothal ( erusin ) and the actual act of marriage ( nissu'in ). These events are now amalgamated. Both erusin and nissu'in are performed in the presence of a minimum of two witnesses. After signing the ketuba or marriage contract, the bride and groom are led to the huppa. The groom gives the bride a ring and recites a blessing. The ketuba is read aloud and Sheva brachot are recited. At the end of the ceremony, the groom steps on a glass. The couple then spends a few moments alone before rejoining the wedding party.
Betrothal
In biblical times, a woman was legally regarded simply as property (valuable property that needed to be looked after), and the betrothal was effected simply by purchasing her from her father (or guardian). The girl’s consent is not explicitly required by any biblical law; neither however, is there explicit permission to ignore it. The bible, doubtless on the basis of ordinary human affection, on one occasion portrays a parent as giving their daughter some choice in the matter; but the arrangements about the marriage, and especially about the purchase price, were made with her father (or guardian).
In the most popular modern forms of Judaism (Reform and Reconstructionist), the betrothal is now a more egalitarian arrangement.
The price paid for the woman (who became me'orasa by the act) is known by the Hebrew term mohar . The bible gives very little indication of the usual range of value for a mohar . In the Deuteronomic Code, the only value given is that for a woman with whom the groom has already had sexual intercourse, namely a mohar of silver worth fifty shekels (a weight, rather than a specific coin). However, biblical narratives indicate that it could also take the form of personal service, as with the description of Jacob's service to Laban, or by prowess in war, as with the description of David's exchange of a hundred foreskins (each representing a slaughtered enemy) to obtain Michal in marriage. At a similar period in Greece, oxen could be used as the bride-price.
In the Talmud, it is argued that even a perutah, the smallest coin used in Roman Palestine, was a sufficient mohar ; among Orthodox Jews in the modern State of Israel, it is believed that the mohar must be worth at least this amount (or rather, the worth of the modern coin - the pruta - having the same name; the spelling is merely a slight variation). It gradually became customary in many areas for the mohar to be an object whose value is well known, and fairly constant: an unadorned gold ring - without gem or inscription; though in Eastern Europe, during the middle ages, it was traditional for a miniature image of a synagogue to be carved on them, together with the phrase good luck . In many places the ring was an heirloom - a child would use the ring of their parents - but in some locations a ring would be made specially for each bride; among the Cochin Jews, a goldsmith manufactures the ring on the morning of the wedding itself, the bride checking that it fits, accompanied by women singing local songs.
It appears to have been customary in early biblical times for the bride to be given part of the mohar; the Book of Genesis denigrates Laban for spending it entirely on himself. Gradually, the mohar lost its original meaning of a purchase money , and the custom arose of giving it to the bride rather than the father. A similar change occurred among the early Arabs, and in the Qur'an, it is regarded as normal practice for the mohar to be given to the bride.
In Jewish religious law, because the exchange of the mohar has significance as a legal transaction, two kosher witnesses must see the mohar being passed from the groom to the bride. For the same reason traditional Jews believe that the wedding ceremony may not take place on Shabbat or Jewish holidays with shabbat-like work restrictions.
The Talmud states that a man should not marry without first seeing his bride.; this has lead to a number of formal 'viewing' rituals. In the Ashkenazi community, it is customary for the bride to walk around the groom seven times. This is said to be symbolic of the bride's desire to protect her husband from harm..The bride's consent is not explicitly required by the bible; in traditional Jewish weddings there is no verbal response on the part of the bride. In these, if she accepts, she would take the mohar (if it is a ring, she might possibly place it on her finger), and then symbolically close her hand. Most forms of modern Judaism, however, including the Conservative and Reform denominations, view sexual inequality as somewhat distasteful, and therefore baulk at the idea of marriage being a purchase of a woman by a man; instead brides from these denominations typically respond to the offer by one of their own, handing a ring to the groom and quoting a suitable biblical passage (the Book of Canticles, a collection of love poetry, being particularly popular - for example, the phrase Ani l'dodi, l'dodi ani ( I am for my beloved, and my beloved is for me ))
Wedding preparations
It is customary in some areas to have a feast in honour of the bride's and groom's parents (in addition to the week-long period of feasting in honour of the marriage). This feast occurs before the marriage; specifically, on the day before the shabbat before the marriage (in other words, the preceding Friday), or on the shabbat before that. This additional feast was called spinnholz (meaning spindle ), or sponsalia , or vorspiel (meaning foreword / preface ).
In the Caucasus, on both of the two days prior to the wedding, the bride and groom traditionally dress in mourning costume, to indicate their sorrow at being about to move out of the houses of their respective parents. In this tradition, on these days, the bride visits the friends of her parents' household, accompanied by her female friends; similarly the groom visits the friends of his parent's household, accompanied by his male friends. Each person the bride or groom visits is expected to provide gifts and refreshments for them, and their companions; however, if the bride approaches the groom's house on these days, it is customary for his friends to pelt her, and her friends, with sand and small stones; the same principle applies to the groom if he approaches the bride's house on these days.
Traditionally, during the week before the wedding-day, the bride and groom were allowed to leave the house only with a chaperone (Hebrew: shomer ); in modern times, some Jews only apply this tradition to the day of the marriage itself. In Ashkenazic tradition, although it has become more widespread in modern times, couples deliberately ceased all forms of contact for one week prior to the marriage day. In the Caucasus, the bride sleeps in a special room for this period; on the first day, three or four girls related to her go out, while wearing her clothes, and invite other girls to sleep in the same room with her.
In the classical era, on the evening before the wedding day, the bride was taken from her father's house (where she would usually have been living) to the house of another of her relatives. Among the Cochin Jews, this is performed as an elaborate ritual, and occurs on the Shabbat prior to the wedding; first the groom holds a feast for his friends, after which the entire local Jewish community go to the bride's house, and escort her to the house of one of her other relatives. At this house they are served coffee while they wait for the evening (this is the end of the Shabbat, in Jewish tradition), at which point they then take the bride to yet another house; here they eat and drink until after midnight, then disperse, leaving the bride there.
Timing of the wedding
In the classical era, it was considered preferable for virgins to be married on a Wednesday, and widows on a Thursday; later the traditional time for widows came to be Friday afternoon. This custom is still practiced in parts of the East, and in the Caucasus a bride is always married on a Wednesday. In other areas, such as among the Jews of the Punjab and of Cochin, the wedding is usually held on a Tuesday. In Sri Lanka, it is not held on a specific day of the week, instead being held exactly 10 days after the engagement. However, in all these traditions, it was also usual to try to avoid having multiple weddings on the same day, especially if one of the weddings involved a sibling of another.
Generally, marriages are held in the evening, but in Iraq it is customary for marriages to occur five hours before the sunset, and in a few locations the wedding is held in the morning.
In the Caucasus the bathing, which takes place in the sea (Caspian Sea or Black Sea), occurs immediately before the wedding procession; the bride and groom are individually lead to the sea from their respective homes, and back again, the bride being lead by girls, the groom by young men, and both being accompanied by music. In this tradition, when the bride has finished bathing, and combing her hair, the girls light lamps, and her mother gives her blessing to the marriage; when the groom is returning, a
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